So while we are all living through this nightmare, I’m going to try to pull out the funny in our day-to-day existence, in case it might help someone to smile for 5 seconds which is better than no smile at all, right?

I would like to preface this by saying I do not take this situation lightly in any way. Like the rest of the world, I have very close family members in the at-risk group, and I’m in that group myself. I know it’s serious, but it doesn’t mean we don’t need to laugh as well.

DAY 1 FROM HOME

In the morning, I decided I would put my own accelerating terror to one side and try to explain to the kids what life is going to be like over the next few months and how we can deal with it in the best way. The conversation had gone exceptionally well in my head, and had ended in a group hug and cries of ‘all we need is each other!’

In reality, there was less ‘warm glow of solidarity’ and more ‘raging fire of teenage hormones’. As soon as I got to the part about all helping each other to get things done around the house, my 13 year old entered into Level 3 meltdown without even the courtesy of a red flashing warning light in her eyes. After she had shouted that I must be so happy now because all I had ever wanted was to turn her into my own personal slave, she declared her intention of leaving home.

When the impossibility of this was mildly pointed out, she announced she was going to live in the garden. So I gave her some poo bags and thanked her for offering to clear up after the dog.

By lunchtime, if one of them was breathing too loudly or entering into some other equally criminal behaviour, the other would threaten to cough on their food. A pretty watery threat in my opinion, given the fact that they have both demonstrated Swiss-cheese like abilities to remember ANY hygiene rules in the last couple of weeks.

I spent the rest of the day multi-tasking. By which I mean reading the news, alternating between panic and optimism, diffusing child-related bombs whilst wondering with swear words whether patience is actually that much of a virtue, and maybe doing a bit of work with the remaining minutes.

At 6pm, I absentmindedly called out to ask if they would both like Coronavirus for tea. Nobody seemed keen.

So a pretty average day. Let’s see what day 2 brings and as always, Bring on Bedtime!